I recently reached out to raise funds for an ongoing life challenge and have, mostly, been ignored with some revulsion (by those still in the thick of keeping up with the Jones’s) or have been told by those still stuck in the pretense of being okay to remain silent. Again.
Thanks to those of you far enough along the path to not give a f*ck about money or outward appearances of “success,” who trust me enough to know that this is beyond my control and that I am out here doing “good,” and to donate what you could – and to those who I said no to, regardless, as I know you are struggling too.
(No) apologies if this bothers the rest of you. I have long since given up on the current social “norms” and / or outward appearances of (so-called) “success” and being “okay.” Long since. That is the small stuff. I promise. Please read on as this may help you find more freedom as well.
Some good humans have, however, reached out in concern via private messages and I will share some responses and some of the conversation that followed, while respecting anonymity (as always) as I feel now, that this message is more important than ever. This considering the current state of affairs and the experiential learning that a lot of other people are beginning to no longer be able to avoid and that I was (dubiously) blessed with over a year ago.
I know that most of you are struggling. Struggling due to circumstances beyond your control. I see you and I feel you. I am also going to tell you, that if you can embrace this experience fully, what awaits you on the other side is more freedom than you could possibly have imagined and, also, true joy. It is a gift. Taken in the correct way it is a true gift. Ignored or avoided it is only going to make your situation “worse.” And this is the truth about all painful and challenging experiences on our journey on the planet, from my personal experience.
But this article is more about the Law of Attraction, because one well meaning human who is trying to walk a “spiritual” path did reach out to me via a private message instead of just continuing to scroll. And the conversation went something like this.
[well meaning human]:
Long message about me sounding negative and angry and a suggestion to use the Law of Attraction to focus on more positive things to draw them into my life. And then a very kind offer to support me on a mentoring basis through this “difficult” time.
1) the law of attraction is a privileged, hippy bullshit method of “spiritual bypassing” [to avoid] stepping up and making solid and practical changes to heal in full.
2) one needs to practice radical acceptance instead to truly find a spiritual path (real spirituality is based on absolute truth and this is often gritty and ugly)
3) once one can embrace the ugliness and the pain as a natural part of the way things are, one can move forward in life regardless of the situation and process past trauma correctly – and so can heal. Avoidance of this will only prolong the lessons and process that need to occur.
4) the above requires absolute honesty and acceptance of “what is”. This means being okay with being vulnerable, less than “perfect” and ignoring the judgement of society and others as their own perception in full. Anything else will keep one hidden and pretending – no real change can, thus, occur.
One continues to keep the secrets that make one sick and avoid the brutal truth and continue the pretense.
This may not make sense to you yet – but it will. I hope you find it sooner than I did.
Reality is beautiful. The good and the bad. The rest is just some script that we have been forced to follow out of fear of rejection and abandonment.
We are, ultimately, alone on this journey. And death is inevitable. Move past the fear of that and one becomes truly “free.” That is the gift. Because there you are.
And the “right” people will find you and you will find them.
These are gifts, [name of well meaning human]. This is the way to finally heal and to no longer ever feel the need to use any substances or behaviours to avoid oneself.
Total presence becomes the absolute desire. It is a good path to walk. And I am there.
Not desperate. Just not pretending anymore because there is no need to do this other than to fit into society’s current ideals of “success” and “okay”. What a lonely way to live.
You are welcome
[well meaning human]:
Does living within the truth make you happy you think?
Life is not about being happy. Life is about honest connection and being of service. To me.
True joy comes from real connection.
Not from pretty things and distraction.
Life is not about the party. To me. Life is about the real experience. Not always easy, happy or pretty. But I, as an artist and seeker, am here to experience it in full.
It’s okay, lovely. Be happy. I have got this!
Now let’s talk more about the Law of Attraction and what could possibly go wrong.
- The Law of Attraction is a privileged and ignorant practice
While I absolutely believe that one’s own perception creates one’s reality and that choosing one’s story with caution is a prerequisite for finding lasting peace and joy, I also fully understand that there are human beings in the world who are NOT here to create peaceful and harmonious situations for other human beings, simply because they are corrupt, greedy and / or enjoy causing pain.
To say that Joe and / or Jane Bloggs can simply attract positive things into their life when they are being abused on a daily basis, are socially and economically at a massive disadvantage, are the victims of ongoing racial inequality or gender bias, are not afforded fair and equal education or are, in any way, responsible for being born into such disadvantaged, violent, war-torn, abusive or impoverished existences is ignorant and privileged. Most human beings are busy simply trying to survive situations NOT of their own making and ENTIRELY out of their control.
Yes – they can alter how they choose to acknowledge and react to such situations, but they can not “make” the abuse or the war and / or conflict stop. Unless they are the ones causing it. Stop it, please.
- The Law of Attraction is a “non-spiritual” practice. (for those of you who want to pursue a “spiritual” path) – it is “ungodly,” arrogant and selfish
ALL of the great spiritual practices speak of unity and of the need to take relevant action and of the “letting go” of the outcome of said action. We are not “God, Allah, Jehova, Krishna, replace with any deity you so choose.” We do not have the power to control the outcome of things. ESPECIALLY if we are not ready to see, hear or participate in what the constructive action might be to actually “get” us where we are supposed to be, to learn the lessons that will further our journey or to simply serve the greater good.
Yes – our thoughts affect our surroundings (now scientifically proven). We want to manifest our desires. But our desires are usually selfish, materially driven and based more on our shortcomings than our gifts. I have serious doubts that a god / goddess / universe bent on connectivity and the balance of all things is going to respond to any selfish desires regarding unnecessary bells and whistles that don’t actually serve our spiritual development or the greater good. (If this is what you are trying to practice. We can’t have both until we are “ready” – possibly ever)
True spirituality is about connection. Connection to the “divine.” Connection to “presence,” in full. Real connection can only occur in absolute truth and, following this, radical acceptance and / or absolute presence – total acceptance of “what is,” and, conversely, “what is not.”
Intentions are everything. Agreed. Do we want to be spiritual travelers or do we want to practice “black magic” / “ come over to the dark side shit” (using the forces of nature for personal gain and / or to gain personal power) – let’s pick a side. We can’t have both.
- The Law of attraction is basically “spiritual bypassing” and will halt or prevent real growth and progress.
By only focusing on the “positive” we are bypassing very real and, often, very necessary painful situations and feelings, and in doing so are avoiding accountability and having to take necessary action to change our circumstances (without controlling the outcome ;)). We may, then, end up keeping ourselves in denial. Real growth begins with absolute honesty. This means accepting the good and the ugly both. About ourselves. About situations. About the world. One step further is to simply stop labeling things as “good,” or “bad,” / “positive” or “negative.”
I have had “terrible” experiences that were indescribably painful that imparted many important lessons and taught me many invaluable tools and skills, simply because I walked through them instead of around them. Sometimes, it is the “negative” that we need the most to become uncomfortable enough to change. I embrace the “negative” now. I am no longer afraid of the ugly, the gritty, the dark. They are as valid, as necessary, as valuable and as important as the “positive.”
More so, in fact, because I am often too fucking stubborn to take more subtle hints to change the things that no longer serve me.
Focus only on the “positive” at your own, possible, detriment. I urge you to let go of the fear and embrace every aspect of your experience in full.
- The Law of Attraction is kinda sociopathic.
It is all about me. I am “God, Allah, Jehova, Krishna, replace with whatever deity you choose”. I have the power. I am in control. I want. I need. I desire. Enough said.
How about “praying” or “setting intentions” for the greater whole and let’s see how that works out for the planet for a change. In the words of someone great…we can’t always get what we want, but we just might get what we need.
Capitalism and consumerism are dying a slow death. So are many people’s egos and public personas – simply due to COVID and circumstances beyond their control. Want to Law of Attraction this? Go for it.
People spend years trying to achieve the “death” of the ego to attain “enlightenment” and “presence.” Well here we are… together – which makes it a far less humiliating, embarrassing and traumatic experience. Kudos to whatever or whoever is running the show.
In the words of another great – you are not your fucking Khakis or the contents of your wallet. You are not what other people think of you. Let it go already. Nothing defines you but your own feelings about yourself. Get honest. Be vulnerable. Be accountable. Figure out who you really are and everything will fall into place and so will “your true people.” The rest is glitter, rainbows and a play that you had little participation in the writing of the script for. You can choose to walk away any time you want to. You can choose to stop hiding and to really connect. You do not need to change anything to do this. Just to accept what is and who you are in full. This requires radical acceptance – again – not avoiding pain and focusing on the “positive.”
ps. Hint – it is not all about you. And when it seems to be, only really being you will ever be of real value to yourself or to anyone else that you meet that may benefit from your experience. And vice versa. This is both a liberating and beautiful thing to accept, but we need to stop focusing on what is “not” to “get it.”
- Trying to be constantly “happy” is a form of “addiction.”
Life is not all sunshine and lollipops. Seeking eternal sunshine is as much a form of addiction as are using behaviours and substances to avoid tough feelings and situations.
Expecting to be “happy” all of the time in a complex world, riddled with duality, is both neurotically naive and confusingly unrealistic. It is not “presence.” It is avoidance. Again.
There is also a distinct difference between Happiness and true Joy. Happiness comes from the external and is transient in nature. Fun and cool. It will lift you up but, when the situation or the external stimulus is removed or changes, you may have the “come down” or the dissipation of “happiness.”
Joy is internal, in my experience. It is immutable. It is ever present. It is something that, for me, only became clearly apparent (in its distinction) after certain experiences, learning and practices. It is there, even when things are shit. Bitter sweet. It remains untouchable even when “times are dark and friends are few.” It is as constant as the unfolding of time. Never-ending and never-changing. It does not need to be sought. It simply is. Anyone can tap into it at any time because it is in all of us and around all of us as well. It continues despite us and all we have to do to receive it is to simply “let go.” This realization has been gifted to me via learning to embrace the fullness of both the “good” and the “bad” and the discovery that there is nothing, after all, to fear.
Okay – that is prolly a bit tmi for this post. There is more but I’m ranted out for now and will spare you further. I suspect you get the drift.
We are now at a point where we are going to have to reconsider what is important to us. We have the space and time to reconsider what has not been working for us as a whole. We will find out who our “friends” are and who was only along for the “good” bits. We will find out who calls to check how well we are surviving the zombie apocalypse, or who was only there for the “fun” parts. We will lose a lot of shit that we never even needed and we we learn to do without a ton more that we don’t need either or anymore. These are gifts. The lessons are fucking tough. But. On the other side is more clarity, greater freedom and a lighter backpack to travel with after the shedding is done.
Do not try to bypass it. Embrace it!